Why can't I wait?

This usually happens when I start a new project. I can't wait for it to progress with time. I feel I have to push it along and I would do this so much that I get exhausted and just quit all together. Like I said before, I have started this blog a million times in a million ways but nothing. This should be easier than what I used to do.

I kept a journal for most of my prepubescent life and it really helped me get through a lot but I can't seem to get that onto a blog. I guess its because I know that people will have access to it. I get paranoid that maybe my boyfriend or friends or family will find this and think "this seems so familiar, I think I know who this is". I am just dreading the day that I get a phone call from a random friend who says "are the the nut job that writes this blog?" My lying can't stink more so they will just assume no matter how much I deny it.

I want to be real honest for as long as possible. I don't know why I feel the need to blog intimately about my life. Maybe because I want peoples' acceptance or I want to know that I am not the only one out there like this. I used to be able to write about whatever was bothering me or whatever I was thinking and I would walk away with such satisfaction and let it go. Now I just bottle things up and never let them go.

My mom has just called me a variant of "spoiled" but in a different language because I have not spoken to my father in almost 2 weeks and he wants me to call him when "I get home from work"....Yes, I know its wrong to lie to my dad about my employment, especially since he supports me financially....when he is able to. I just don't need someone else on my back 24/7 about my future.

I didn't realize I had this much to write but I guess when you're honest, you always have something to say.