My eyes feel more open than usual today but things are different than they were yesterday. I spoke to my boyfriend and again he got upset because I was "neglecting" him because of my work. I KNOW that I would be upset too if he did something like that to me all the time but I can't help it, I feel better because of it.
I also told my mom about what I am working on today. I refrained from telling her because she has a knack for criticizing very "sweetly" and just wrecks my enthusiasm for working. I don't blame her or anyone else for my faults but I know that they have a hand in it (unintentionally of course). I think I got her to agree that this project is good for me and can bring about some kind of benefit in the long-run but I can't be sure. I second-guess myself too much, I think too much, I worry too much. I don't like to think of myself as a scared person but perhaps I am.
I haven't spoken to my father in about a month and my mom always comments that he seems sad, as if not speaking to me is the culprit. Maybe it is. I know he is a good man but so much has happened and there is so much resentment on both sides that it's hard to bypass it. My sister is only calls when my mother complains about how little I do around the house or when we fight over who picks up the food deliveries.
ugghh train of thought.....
My sister is the hero and I am the one that drags everyone else down.
Let's see if my mom can manage not to ruin how I feel about my project. Cross your fingers
....ugghh she's starting another fight again.
Monday, April 19, 2010
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I obviously don't know why there's resentment with your dad, but I get it. My dad and I are the same way. I saw him at a small family thing this weekend. We were there for like 4 or 5 hours and all we said to each other was "Hey." and "Bye." and "Pass the salt & pepper."
ReplyDeleteYea its the same with me but he keeps asking the same questions (how's school?/how's work?) to which I always give the same answer..."it's good"
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