A lesson in values and the vicious cycle that ruins my life

Had a big fight with the boyfriend last night and most of the day. Its still not over yet. Can you guess what about?

Yes...its the fact that I am always too self-involved to appreciate all the wonderful things he does for me. I always had this paranoia that since we fell in love so young and we have been very dependent on each other, that all this will fade away as we get older. I guess that's part of the territory. You just have to "leap and hope to God you can fly".

I have very shoddy memory and if I unveil an epiphany one day, it is most likely that I will see some shiny device in the distance that I inadvertently bury it as I rush away. It has always been ONE of my problems.

I was thinking about virtue and values. It might seem believable when I say that I actually have very strong values. Its a vicious cycle because I put so much pressure on myself to be the "best" person I can be but it is never enough for me....I am not happy with myself....

Its all or nothing for me so if I can't be perfect, I will be selfish and do what makes me happy at the moment. It hasn't gotten me far.

I know I'm spoiled but how do I fix that?